


Drawing Butterflies

by joonohon



Category: Free!
Genre: Dyscalculia, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Self Harm, implied makoharu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-15
Updated: 2013-11-15
Packaged: 2018-01-01 14:42:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1045147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joonohon/pseuds/joonohon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nagisa never cared for math, or work, or even the thought I putting effort into something other than a swimming and being a good boyfriend. But one night will change that. Forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drawing Butterflies

**Author's Note:**

> For Olive. olivemyheart.tumblr.com  
> Sorry it's so late, dear! I hope you like it <3

"Rei-chaaaaan, I don't understand any of this! Help meeeeeee..." Nagisa flopped onto his study partners lap, running his head against Rei's stomach.  
"Acting like this isn't going to help you understand! You need to actually pay attention to all the theorems and concepts, understand them, and apply them to-"  
"Rei-chan, why are you so concerned about this? It's not like I'll die if I don't pass or something. Lets go to Haru's house and we'll go to the pool, all four of us! Since Makoto is probably at Haru's house anyways, heheh."  
"No, Nagisa! You need to pass this class, you're failing right now! Do you want to stay a grade behind because of that?"  
Nagisa pouted. His boyfriend was being particularly naggy today. He rested his head on his palm, and zoned out, ignoring his frantic boyfriend. He drew butterflies onto his paper, clearing his mind of everything.  
\------------------------------------------  
'Rei-chan would understand this....' Nagisa thought as he stared at his math test, trying to decipher what exactly was on the paper (and failing miserably). He squinted at the blank problems, watching the numbers and symbols float around, never staying in an exact spot.  
He groaned softly and placed his forehead onto the desk gently. How was he ever going to do this? Nagisa was good at eating, and swimming, and being a decent boyfriend to Rei. Math was his boyfriend's job, now that he thought about it! He just needed to sleep more, that was it.  
Nagisa lifted his head, yawned, and grabbed his pencil. He drew butterflies onto his desk, clearing his mind of everything.  
\------------------------------------------  
"Come on, Rei-chan! Let's go eat something, I'm starving!" Nagisa pulled Rei across the street by his hand to the train, having just left swim practice. Rei laughed and jogged a little, stopping when they reached the platform. He pulled the blonde into his arms and hugged him tight, placing his chin on the other boy's head.  
Nagisa smiled and snuggled into Rei's shirt. "You're getting better at the butterfly. Pretty soon, we'll be able to teach you how to swim other stuff. I'll teach you the breast-stroke myself." Rei hummed in agreement, but then tensed.  
"... How was your math test today? Did you do well?"  
Nagisa's eyes widened. He put his cheek on Rei's chest and stayed quiet. He stayed silent for a few moments, finally mumbling, "It was fine..." The taller boy lifted his head and looked at Nagisa, bringing one of his arms back to lift his boyfriend's chin. Rei gave him a look, raising an eyebrow.  
"That doesn't sound fine to me. Are you sure? How many confused you? How many did you skip? How many did you understand?" Rei's voice got louder and more worried with each question. Nagisa looped his arms around Rei's neck and sighed, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck soothingly.  
"It was fine, really! I skipped 5 at the most, no big deal.", he lied easily, remembering his completely blank paper. Not that Rei needed to know about that. He didn't need any extra stress; he had enough with his own grades and swimming. Nagisa gave Rei a small smile, seeing the accusing look in his boyfriend's eyes.  
Rei relaxed a bit, and looked towards the tracks. The train was coming up. They parted and boarded, sitting next to each other. Rei started pulling out his literature book, while the other leaned over the back of the seat, looking outside.  
Nagisa blew out a breath he didn't know he was holding, fogging up the window. He drew butterflies onto the glass, clearing his mind of everything.  
\------------------------------------------

"What're you talking about? Rei-chan! This program was supposed to HELP you! Not make you feel all self conscious..." Nagisa bent down beside Rei and placed a hand on his shoulder. The taller boy shifted on his feet, bending his knees so that he could place his head on them without getting his swimsuit full of sand.  
Rei sighed and looked away, blushing lightly. "I guess.... I just want to be as good as you guys. I want to feel like I belong." He looked back to his boyfriend. "It's nothing really; I'm just being a bit dramatic, haha!" Rubbing his neck shyly, he stood up and lifted Nagisa up by the hand.  
Nagisa smiled brightly, and tugged his boyfriend back down to the floor. They both tumbled into the sand, a pile of limbs.  
"Bluh, Nagisa! What was that?" Rei spit sand out of his mouth, glasses and hair askew. The blonde just laughed and pulled his arm free from under Rei.  
Nagisa just smiled and kissed his boyfriends nose, lifting his pinky. He drew butterflies onto the sand, clearing his mind of everything.  
\------------------------------------------

"Rei-chan! Rei-chaaaaan!" Nagisa struggled against Makoto's grip, trying to pull his arm free. "Makoto, let go of me, I have to see Rei-chan! Rei-chan!"  
Makoto tightened his grip and sniffles. "Haru is looking for him now! Nagisa, stop! It's pouring and you're gonna get sick! Please..." Makoto breathed in heavily and closed his eyes, reining in his composure. His shoulders and arms stung from the cold drops of rain, and he managed to pull a screaming and writhing Nagisa into a tent. He just wrapped himself around the smaller boy, rocking him back and forth, whispering words of comfort.  
"Rei will be fine, Nagisa. It's ok. Do you want me to call the police? I'm sure they can help find him." The blonde whipped his hand towards the phone next to him and shakily dialed 110 while Makoto dialed 119. They didn't know whether they would need the police, the medics, or maybe even both. A woman answered the phone.  
"Japanese Police. State your emergency."  
"Yes, hello? My boyfriend is missing, and my friends and I can't find him! I think he got lost in the ocean and I don't know what to do! Help me find him! Please! I-"  
"Sir, I need your name and location. Please remain calm. Now, where exactly are you?"  
Nagisa hiccuped and shuddered, hot tears dripping down to his chin. He handed the phone to Makoto, who gave the woman a rundown of the situation and their location. He hung up and pulled the other boy up, who was still sobbing. Makoto tugged him outside, covering both of them with his windbreaker. "Let's wait out here, so we can wave down whoever comes first. The others will probably see the lights and head over here."  
Nagisa nodded dumbly, eyes wide and haunted. He whispered so softly, Makoto almost didn't hear him. "I need to find Rei-chan." He repeated it over and over, each time softer than the last, until he was simply mouthing the words. He looked out towards the ocean and his chin wobbled, tears falling to the sand.  
Finally, after what seemed like forever, a boat appeared in the distance. The light atop the boat scanned the water, and Nagisa gasped. Everything happened in a blur. Search parties, a blue-lipped Haru, a shocked Makoto, a numb Nagisa, and forever later, the three boys, along with Kou and Ama-chan, were transported back to the mainland.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The news didn't hit Nagisa for a few weeks. He always seemed to be waiting for something. Whenever teachers asked why he was constantly glancing at the door, he simply shrugged and said, "I'm waiting for Rei-chan. He'll be here soon." The teachers have him a pitying look and continued the lesson, everyone subdued and disturbed at the same time.  
Everyone stayed away for him for a while, too scared and shocked at his way of coping. Nagisa would send Rei a text every morning, huffing in annoyance when he wouldn't answer. He studied by himself, determined to get better and impress his boyfriend, despite how difficult it was for him to get it all right.  
But at home, all alone, Nagisa mourned. He would weep silently in the bathroom, holding a razor blade in his trembling hand.  
'I'll make you proud, Rei-chan,' he thought. 'I'll make you proud.' Nagisa touched the edge to the inner part of his thigh, watching red liquid bead and dribble to the floor.  
'I'll make you proud.' Nagisa brought the blade down again and carved butterflies into his skin, clearing his mind of everything.

 

~end~


End file.
